A day after – all I need is a hug

I was born 31 years ago. I was born with dreams and high hopes.

I left Poland, my home country, to pursue freedom, love and beautiful adventures.

I found everything I wanted. I am hungry for more.

Then I got sick – not something dramatic, but it keeps me alert to my own physical limits.

I feel vulnerable. I also feel passionate about my job. I want to give it all I have. It looks like it is not sufficient. I feel overwhelmed. I see tired and stressed faces of my colleagues and suppliers. I see a tired face when brushing my teeth in the morning.

I feel frustration, sadness and anger. I feel fear.

***

Yesterday I went to see fireworks with two crazy, lovely Moroccan ladies. (Girls, I love you!)

I liked everything except the crowd. It made me nervous.

I took a taxi to get back home: “Did you hear about the terrorist attack in Nice?”

“Hmm, I beg your pardon? No, I did not (!!??)”. Loads of swear words followed.

I was unable to go to sleep straight. I watched the news. I cried.

“31-year-old French-Tunisian driver killed dozens of people.”

My boyfriend is 35-year-old and originated from Tunisia. He became French a few months ago, a few weeks after I did.

France is not the only country suffering from violence. It is everywhere. It happens all the time.

Millions of people survive each day with less than 2 dollars. I feel lucky to have a flat, a job, something to eat and beautiful people to laugh with.

Today I feel tired, sad, and anxious.

I want the world to be safe, joyful and full of love: for myself, for others, for future generations.

Today I went out to buy a camera to register video interviews with inspiring people.

When I was going back home in the hot and crowded Parisian subway, I could not stop my tears.

I felt embarrassed and pathetic. I looked like a depressed Cocker Spaniel. My big blue eyes got wet and red. I was trying hard to stop crying. I could not. I had nothing to dry up my tears.

A middle aged woman sitting in front of me was searching for something in her bag. Just before I rushed to get out at my stop, she gave me a few paper handkerchiefs.

When I was heading to another subway line, I read on the packaging: “Freshness. Mint.”

It was written in Polish. I was stunned. My compatriot saved me from drowning in my own tears.

***

I have Polish roots, a magic French passport and nothing to declare.

I dream of travelling around the world and giving birth to multicultural crazy babies. 🙂

I have always considered myself ambitious and strong. Today I am vulnerable and I need a hug.

I feel sad and it is fine. I am OK.

My hunger for new experiences got bigger and my joy of being alive deeper.

God bless us all. Tomorrow is another day. With a little luck, we will still be breathing.

As long, as I am breathing, I am safe. And I feel love. Oh yeah!

paix_terre_ensemble_enfants

Please feel free to share:
20

2 réponses à “A day after – all I need is a hug

  1. Well everybody needs a hug, sometimes… And I will say, I feel kinda sorry to be reading this only now. As me too, was in need of a hug, given that I have been opening my « box » last week. Going back to the rage I felt all my life, for people who probably do not even begin to understand what and why it is that I felt this way.

    In any case, I wish you to recover quickly and not let yourself be dragged into the madness we live in. Most importantly giving in to fear will not help. Stay strong my friend. Cheers.

    1. Many thanks, Victor, for your kind words. It is not always easy, but at the same time helpful (at least for me!) to welcome what is alive inside of us with an open heart, regardless of how painful or intense it might be. It takes patience, courage and many hugs… 🙂 By the way, it is always a good time for a hug. A wise friend told me once: “there is only one choice: love or fear”. Let’s choose consciously, best wishes, my friend.

Laisser un commentaire

Votre adresse de messagerie ne sera pas publiée. Les champs obligatoires sont indiqués avec *