“Boys don’t cry”, “Pretty girls don’t get angry”, “Shut up and sit”, or “Life’s cruel – you’d better grow a thick skin.” Did you hear those words as a child? If so, you’re not alone. Many of us learn that vulnerability is a form of weakness. Later, in a work environment, we discover that expressing our emotions is unprofessional. Hence, we numb our feelings: we go shopping, get busy, drink too much Piña Colada, eat too many chocolate cookies or French fries, have sex and then a cigarette, or any combination of these. 😊
And what if vulnerability was not only part of human experience, but also a gift, and a sign of strength?
As soon as I started to earn money, I booked therapy sessions. It helped me a lot. I felt safe, heard and… impatient. Often, I was crying and felt frustrated: “I’m spending my salary to sit here and cry, when will it end?”. My therapist kept saying “It’s ok, we have time, do you want a tissue?”
20+ boxes of tissues later, during another session, as she was smart, bold and a real pro, she provoked me and pissed me off. It was the first time that I felt anger physically, with such precision. I felt heat moving from my stomach up to my throat. I heard myself saying a firm and loud ‘NO’. She did it to wake me up. Before that, I was unable to feel anger. Sadness was more comfortable, I got used to it. Rage? Gosh, such a dangerous and foreign territory!
Recently however, when I felt sad, angry and frustrated, I closed myself in the bathroom (safest space ever!), took a deep breath and screamed so loud (twice!), that I was surprised that no one called the police. It was worth it. Immediate relief and such a sense of power. Priceless. I respect my neighbours but sometimes (and not too often), you just need to let it out. 😊
If you book a ThetaHealing® session with me, I’ll invite you to go to your childhood memories. I’ll offer a safe space, where you’ll re-connect with your emotions: feel, express and release them. You’ll learn how to take care of the younger version of you, how to mother yourself. With practice, you’ll resist your emotions less. You’ll be less judgmental, gentler and more compassionate with yourself. You’ll be less triggered by other people’s emotions, able to offer them support and empathy, while protecting your own energy. And you’ll accept your own vulnerability.
Modern societies train us to hide our emotions and value intellect instead. Knowledge, logic and certificates are important, yet they’re not sufficient. If you shut your heart down and live only from your head, you’ll get lost. You’ll be easily manipulated. You’ll feel inadequate.
Brené Brown, brilliant researcher on vulnerability, in one of her TEDx talks, says that we cannot numb our emotions selectively. When we avoid anger, shame, sadness or grief, we also diminish our capacity to feel joy, passion, enthusiasm or love. When we wear a thick armour, we fall into perfectionism, extremism, or addictions.
One of my favourite Parisians, an amazing osteopath, said to me after a consultation during which I cried: “Emotions are part of your humanity”. Sounds true, right?!
You’re enough. You don’t need anything or anyone to complete you. You’re a human, not a robot (unless I’m not aware of something😊) and it’s normal for you to experience emotions daily. Yes, they do bring challenges, but also make life juicy. Would you like to release the below limiting ideas that, if you express how you feel:
- it will hurt others;
- it will scare them;
- it will make you unlovable or you’ll get rejected;
- it will make you weak;
- you’ll lose control;
- you’ll get lost in despair forever;
- it will separate you from others;
- you’ll end up alone?
What would be a more beneficial outlook on emotions? You’re your own healer. When you’re authentic, you’re making it easier for others to do the same. Sharing how you feel, will free you:
“Talking about your pain, fears, concerns, or regrets will not lower your vibration, tangle your chakras, upset your spirit guides, or cause you to attract more of the same. Beyond all doubts, fears, and superstitions, sharing exists as one of the most direct ways to move repressed energy and release all that is ready to be healed through the words only your deepest hurt can convey. You may not feel like the most capable version of yourself when allowing your hurt to speak, but you will step into greater alignment with your inner wellspring of authenticity, where you are free to realize – it’s not a matter of dwelling on what you’ve done, but how boldly you own the wisdom gained.”Matt Kahn
Be tender with yourself and others. Open your heart a little bit more today. Vulnerability is a sign of strength. Embrace your emotions and express them when talking to a trusted friend (or mum, mums are the best! 😉), through poetry, painting, dance or music…
I don’t encourage you to disclose everything to everyone. Please keep your boundaries strong and be mindful of the context. You’ll not talk in the same way, when in an office, or, when chatting with your bestie over tea… Be flexible and remember: being aware of how you feel and expressing it, is good for you!
In the comments below, answer the following questions, someone will be inspired by your words:
- Are you comfortable with expressing your emotions or do you find it challenging?
- What emotions do you experience most often?
- Which emotions you’re struggling with (if any), and if yes, why?
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Want to connect differently? Drop me an e-mail and we can chat!
Take care and remember: you’re precious, special and strong!
“May we spend less time correcting and more time connecting… with ourselves and those around us.”Matt Kahn